This post took me a while to write. Mostly, I didn't want to write it at all. So I dillied and dallied for two weeks before I finally decided that I had to write it. I haven't been blogging or reading for the past two weeks. I haven't even had a good couple of weeks. Instead, I lived one of the worst nightmares possible, one that no one should go through. I was on an emergency trip to New York, where my brother is in ICU.
Two weeks ago, my brother had a seizure. It came out of the blue. He had never had so much as a cold, growing up, and suddenly he collapsed one day. Since that day, he has been having seizures every day. Lately, it had become 8-10 a day. The doctors had no clue what was happening. That was not nice to hear. Every single test they did came back negative. For all they knew, my brother could have been just another healthy 21-year old who was sleeping. Except, he was getting seizures.
I have been pretty much low over the last two weeks. I am crazy attached to my bro and the sight of him on a hospital bed, with an ailment nobody could diagnose was too much to take. I must have cried two lives' worth of tears over the last two weeks. None of the anti-seizure medicines seemed to be working, and he has been on sedation most of the time. When he's not sedated, he's restless. The doctors finally had luck with one regimen this weekend. It has now been 48+ hours since he had his last seizure and I'm cautiously happy about it. Cautious because, the last time he appeared to look better (last weekend), he had two back-to-back seizures that pretty much knocked me out too.
So, clearly, it's going to be a while before I can write anything without feeling depressed. I'm extra careful about the books I pick to read, since I don't want to read about any depressed or messed-up characters right now. This also means that it's going to be a while before I pick any ARCs, and I feel guilty about that, but just so that I don't give up on any of them midway or rate them unfairly low just because I feel upset, I'd rather pick them up when I feel that I can do them justice.
I'll probably be taking a week or two or maybe the rest of this month off blogging. My brother is my priority now and I want to see him as his usual self soon. But if I feel up to it, or if I'm in a particularly good mood, I'll drop in a post or two or maybe even a review. I'm back now at my place, but I'll be in NY again this weekend and also during the whole 10-day thanksgiving break I have. I'm so missing my brother now and I've never gone this long without a proper conversation with him.