Living my worst nightmare

Monday, November 8, 2010


This post took me a while to write. Mostly, I didn't want to write it at all. So I dillied and dallied for two weeks before I finally decided that I had to write it. I haven't been blogging or reading for the past two weeks. I haven't even had a good couple of weeks. Instead, I lived one of the worst nightmares possible, one that no one should go through. I was on an emergency trip to New York, where my brother is in ICU.

Two weeks ago, my brother had a seizure. It came out of the blue. He had never had so much as a cold, growing up, and suddenly he collapsed one day. Since that day, he has been having seizures every day. Lately, it had become 8-10 a day. The doctors had no clue what was happening. That was not nice to hear. Every single test they did came back negative. For all they knew, my brother could have been just another healthy 21-year old who was sleeping. Except, he was getting seizures.

I have been pretty much low over the last two weeks. I am crazy attached to my bro and the sight of him on a hospital bed, with an ailment nobody could diagnose was too much to take. I must have cried two lives' worth of tears over the last two weeks. None of the anti-seizure medicines seemed to be working, and he has been on sedation most of the time. When he's not sedated, he's restless. The doctors finally had luck with one regimen this weekend. It has now been 48+ hours since he had his last seizure and I'm cautiously happy about it. Cautious because, the last time he appeared to look better (last weekend), he had two back-to-back seizures that pretty much knocked me out too.

So, clearly, it's going to be a while before I can write anything without feeling depressed. I'm extra careful about the books I pick to read, since I don't want to read about any depressed or messed-up characters right now. This also means that it's going to be a while before I pick any ARCs, and I feel guilty about that, but just so that I don't give up on any of them midway or rate them unfairly low just because I feel upset, I'd rather pick them up when I feel that I can do them justice.

I'll probably be taking a week or two or maybe the rest of this month off blogging. My brother is my priority now and I want to see him as his usual self soon. But if I feel up to it, or if I'm in a particularly good mood, I'll drop in a post or two or maybe even a review. I'm back now at my place, but I'll be in NY again this weekend and also during the whole 10-day thanksgiving break I have. I'm so missing my brother now and I've never gone this long without a proper conversation with him.

35 comments:

Coffee and a Book Chick said...

Oh, my goodness -- this is incredibly shocking! Please do, take some time off and return only when you are ready and have time -- your brother is priority and we will all be here for you! My thoughts and prayers go out to you!

The Crazy Bookworm said...

My heart, thoughts and prayers go to you, your brother and your family. Take all the time you need, we will all be here when you get back. Take care!

With love,

Cathy/The Crazy Bookworm

Katy F. said...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry this is happening! I hope they figure out what is going on soon so they can help him. I'll keep you and your brother in my thoughts and prayers.

The1stdaughter said...

Oh no, Aths! I'm so so sorry. I know how much your brother means to you, you have often mentioned him and I truly hope this last treatment will do the trick. Take all the time in the world and know that we will all be here once you return. The most important thing is your brother, as well as your own health. Much love and prayers!

bermudaonion said...

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your brother! I know how upset you must be. Do not feel guilty about ARCs for heaven's sake - everyone knows your brother is much more important. I'll be praying for him. Please keep us posted when you feel up to it.

IntrovertedJen said...

Oh, Aths, I'm so sorry! I hope they get things figured out and your brother is back to his old self soon. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Bear hugs for you!

Florinda said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, but I hope your cautious optimism holds up and he continues to hold his own. We'll be here when you get back, and thinking of you and your family in the meantime.

Marce said...

Aths,

Sending your brother get better, healthy vibes. Stay strong. I hope the physicians are able to give your family some answers.

Also, remember 2nd opinions are sometimes needed and the best action to take.

I agree reading may not help right now, it is amazing how the smallest reference of something can set you off.

HUGS.

Valerie said...

(((Aths)))! I can definitely understand your concern about your dear brother. Will keep you all in my thoughts that things get better for him.

Marg said...

Oh, Aths. What a terrible, terrible thing for your brother, and for your whole family to be dealing with.

I will be sending my thoughts for healing your way.

We will be hear waiting for you when you feel up to coming back.

{{{{Aths}}}}

Gwen@ChewDigestBooks.com said...

Big hug Aths to you and your brother. Take care and don't worry about your books, what is important is the both of you!

Cat said...

(((Aths))) I am so sorry - what a terrible time for you to be going through.

Sending lots of healing light and thoughts to you both.

Helen's Book Blog said...

Aths, when I hadn't seen a post from you in a couple weeks I was wondering what was going on. I am SO sorry to hear about your brother and his current condition! You can see from the comments that we are all thinking about you and your family and hope that the doctors figure out what is going on quickly so they can get him the best medications.

Blogging should only happen if you need a release or if it would work as a distraction for you as you go through this ordeal. We will all be here when your brother is better and you are up to spending time with us again.

Beachreader said...

Honey, take all the time that you need to care for your brother and yourself. Family First.
We're here for you.

Molly said...

Oh Aths -- I am so so sorry! I have missed your posts, but had hoped that it was nothing serious.

Hugs and Prayers go out to you and your entire family.

J.G. said...

A whole slew of thoughts and prayers for you and your brother and family. And wishes for some brilliant insights for those doctors, too! May they have good news for you soon.

avisannschild said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news, Aths. I hope the doctors figure out what's going on soon. My thoughts are with you and your family.

jcroup said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother!!! I hope you get good news soon! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Book Bird Dog said...

There will almost always be ARCs, so glad to hear you will be free to look about your brother! Hope things improve soon!

Piyush said...

Be strong Moo. I pray for him daily and I know he would be fine.

Juju at Tales of Whimsy.com said...

My darling friend.
*hugs*
Take all the time you need.
My brother was in the hospital once for something they didn't understand and it was terrribly terribly hard for me.
*hugs*
I hope everything turns out alright. Please keep us posted.

(Diane) Bibliophile By the Sea said...

Aths, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I hope the doctors figure out what is going on soon, and that it is easily treatable....Hugs to you for strength!

Joann said...

I am so sorry, but keep faith if you can, the docs will do everything they can for your brother,I wish you and your brother very much all the best wishes and I hope they can figure this out.
jbdownie5@yahoo.com

Lisa said...

Oh, Aths, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mystica said...

This is rather late but my prayers for your brothers quick recovery.

Erisian (FNORDinc.com) said...

aths-
i sincerely hope that your brother is recovering well and that they can determine the cause of his ailment.

seizures can be tricky.

will be thinking about you both.

christa @ mental foodie said...

oh how scary!!! thinking of your family!!

I work at one of the best hospitals in the US. While I can't get you in or personally know any doc who may be able to help (I am not a doc), but if you want contact details to see if you can get a 2nd opinion, feel free to contact me okay? cytljjb @ gmail com (take space away)

pburt said...

I am so sorry to hear about your brother and will keep both of you in my thoughts.

Be gentle with yourself and stay strong.

PB

Alyce said...

I hope that your brother is doing better now and that they figure out what's going on. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. It's completely understandable that you would want to focus on family over reading and blogging right now.

Medeia Sharif said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. Best wishes to you and your brother. I understand about the reading and ratings. My reading is affected when I'm down.

Kathy Ponce said...

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. Will be praying for you and your family during this time. Perfect love casts out all fear.

Creations by Laurel-Rain Snow said...

Oh, my thoughts are with you in this horrendous nightmare experience. I hope that the doctors discover what is wrong and fix it before too much longer!

Take care....

pburt said...

I just wanted to let you know that you and your brother are still in my thoughts.

PB

Sheila (Bookjourney) said...

Aths, forgive me - I do not where I have been where I have not heard about this until now.

I am so sorry to hear about your brother and am praying for you and your family.

pickygirlfoodfilmfiction said...

Oh wow. I am so sorry. I don't know how I missed this post in GR. I just saw your update and wanted to let you know how sorry I am for what you've endured. I am also really close to my brother who lives in New York, so reading this hit close to home. I'm glad he's better. Take care of yourself as well.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way.